I do say ouch. I do leave the room. Why do you think I spend most nights in another room playing PS3?

We even discussed that last night. I mentioned that I leave the room when she is mean to me. She says "that is your only response? To leave the room?"

I should have said "yes, that is the appropriate response when you are yelling at me or continuing to hurt my feelings after I say ouch. I leave when you won't stop hurting me."

And this morning she said she was going out to dinner tonight. I asked "out to dinner?", because I was not aware we had plans. She said "oh, not with you" in a dismissive tone. I said "ouch!" She said "oops, that didn't come out right, I meant that you don't have to leave work early because I am going to dinner with a couple of the ladies from the gym."

But you are correct in the big picture. I am addicted to the pain. To staying with her. To coming here and rolling in the muck. If I weren't addicted, I would leave.

The good news is that I picked more berries and made 2 more pints of jam last night while Mrs. Hold was at a movie with her girlfriends. That makes 6 pints this year. 2 chocolate raspberry with creme de cocoa. 2 orange raspberry with grand marnier. And 2 peach raspberry with peach shnappes. D13 made brownies and we gave the brownies and some jam to our new neighbor who moved in last week. She said it was OK for me to pick berries from the vines on her side of the property line.

Hmmm, Mrs. Hold going out with the gals 2 nights in a row. The other gals are married and their husbands make alot more than me so I don't think they are going cruising for guys. Then again, if Mrs. Hold left me for some other guy, might not be the worst thing for me. Assuming she marries him so I am off the hook for support. Yeah right, like I could get that lucky. Oh well, a boy can dream, can't he? But I know God will not make it that easy on me. Soolee, you have your view of what God has in store for me. I have mine.

Speaking og God, D13 agreed to lead a part of services tomorrow, so we are going together. I am glad that she said yes when the cantor asked her. That she doesn't feel "over and done" with religion now that she has graduated from Sunday school. But I am not sure what I should pray for.


When you can see it coming, duck!