I won't elaborate on what the ladies have said today. Read their posts again, Hold.

Your wife is no more happy with this arrangement than you are.

Forget the slow withdrawal from her spending attempts to soothe herself. Cut up the cards. Pay cash for Dave Ramsey's book, Total Money Makeover. With your income, you could be out of debt in a year.

Tell your wife the truth. It will be hard to do without sounding like blaming, but she didn't make you less productive at work. You did that. She just broke your heart, and you were unable to leave that a home.

Don't even discuss SF. Discuss the money problem, the attitude problems you both have. You aren't going to clean up your side of the street for sex. Neither is she. Right now, the two of you have to bring some financial sanity to your arrangement and stop punishing each other. By the time you accomplish that, it will be a whole new playing field for SF.