I have told her everything. We were in marriage counselling for 8 years. We tried to implement the MB system. We failed. I have told her I am staying for the house and the kids, not to be with her. She has not offered to work on the relationship, and she will not tolerate relationship discussions. A couple of times lately I have said "I would really like us to be madly in love with each other. How do you feel about that?" She rolled her eyes and said something like "ugh, we aren't going to talk about us again, are we?"

She has made it clear that "I predict I will want to leave 5 years from now if things stay the same" is not sufficient motivation for her to change. She seems to believe that I don't have the guts to leave, ever. Neither of us will know whether I do or I don't until we get there. Until we confirm I do, discussions are pointless because she has made it clear she is not changing. Neither am I.

Moreover, even if she were willing to implement MB, I do not believe I am capable of meeting her needs. She needs someone who earns way more than I can ever hope to earn. She has openly admitted this recently. She is disappointed in my lack of career success. She may choose to stay with me. At least for now. Because she likes me as a person. But she does not feel romantic love for me. And she won't ever feel that unless and until I triple or quadruple my income.

I am too afraid to even attempt that. My fear. My fault. My problem. But unless I find the "magic wand" that changes that. Similar to what is described in the article. I don't see myself ever overcoming my fear. Eventually it will be too late to even try.

Divorce is not my choice as a path to happiness. I don't believe I will ever attain happiness. I am not willing to even try. Divorce is my path to stop getting my teeth kicked in every night.

Who knows. When the day arrives. Maybe my libido will have waned sufficiently that it won't feel like getting my teeth kicked in. Maybe I will be able to foregive myself for not leaving sooner. And forgive my wife for not being any braver than me. And learn once again to enjoy her company. And I will stay.