Originally Posted by Lexxxy
They are what she FELT as a result of how I handled this Facebook episode. Those feelings are my responsibility to address by showing care and loving support, ending my Facebook account, etc.

What Mulan is trying to get you to look at is changing your behavior so you are not REPAIRING damage, but PREVENTING damage.
If you had approached the situation with your wife topmost in mind, this never would have happened.
And you wouldn't have to end your account etc.

I do get that Lexxxy. Thanks. Because DWG was at the top of my mind, I instantly told her about the Friend request as it was happening. DWG was sitting at the table with me with our laptops. I told her I was rejecting it, but my decision to send a note of explanation to the woman was just an impulse, and I did not ask DWG about that. When I did it, there was no thought other than not hurting someone's feelings, as hard as that is to believe from a guy like me. But in retrospect, I should have POJA'ed the note, also. Not doing so was an old pattern, an impulse. And it gave no thought as to how DWG would have felt about the note.

This is a good episode for me to learn from and change my patterns. If I don't look at mistakes as opportunities to improve, I am not worth anything. As bad it sounds, I will make more mistakes. Hopefully, they keep decreasing in frequency. As for the Facebook account, I don't even sign in very often. It is more of an annoyance than anything else, as long as DWG has an account to follow our sons' goings on. The MB team regards it as a problem and recommends that no one having had marriage problems have a Facebook account. I am following that recommendation. I am not sitting here feeling loss or sacrifice about it. There is simply no reason for DWG to have any more worries about me than those that cannot be avoided because of the past. She deserves to have as much peace of mind as possible. Other than my giving up breathing, I am prepared to give up just about anything else.

Last edited by GreenMile; 08/18/10 11:02 AM.

FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.