The 3 ADD books arrived today. Vacation starts tomorrow.

Anyone see a downside to my reading the books in front of my kids?

I don't think so. Hey, if my kids watched me read "The Bipolar Guide" and "Surviving an Affair," a little ADD reading can't hurt.

The only downside I see is if your kids want you to play and you've got your nose in an ADD book and won't tear yourself away to play, because then they will think you're reading it because you think it's one of them with ADD, because obviously YOU don't have it if you can't be distracted.

Both kids have summer reading for school that they somehow haven't found time to get to yet. So we have built reading time into the week's schedule (at the beach, in an Adirondack chair on the deack at the hotel, etc.). I figured the ADD books would be my reading. I don't see any reason to hide that I am trying to improve myself. Never too late and all that. But I wanted to see if anyone thought I was missing something.

I think it's a GREAT thing for kids to see their parents working on self-improvement.

Even better if the kids want to read it when you're done.

I read "How to Think Like Leonardo daVinci" on our vacation, and both H and ds13 are 'reading' it now. I had to turn in the book to the library because it was requested by another patron, but was able to bring it home on CD, so they're listening.

Their request.

Great thing!

Well, you can bet that when they get a little older I will get showing my kids the HNHN and LB books. I don't want them to ever need SAA.

FYI, does anyone think it is tacky to give FILSIL as a wedding present to colleagues (I am not invited to the wedding but this is my way of ackowledging their event)?

I used to read all of my parents books after they were through with them. Blame that for my interest in historical romance novels (mom) and black-powder muskets (dad).

Hold, I would not worry too much about what the children think.

I am sure they will just see it as more of the same, Dad with another problem. It seems to be one step forward, two steps backward.

You could do youself and children a huge favour and buy yourself any tape by Sean Stephenson. This is someone that bats way ahead of his ability. If you and the kids spent the holidays watching that, you could make a gigantic leap forward.

I am picking you are gaining far too much perverse happiness from consentrating on you problems, than to ever come to a place of wanting to move forward.

Exactly.

Great vacation. I slept with S15 and Mrs. Hold with D13 all in one room so no sex. But excellent time. Then Mrs. Hold went home and we camped with my buddy and his kids. Also great time. Mrs. Hold made herself available yesterday morning and great cuddling afterward. My marriage may not be perfect but it is not the big problem in my life at this point. My lack of career success and inner satisfaction is the issue. So hopefully I won't feel the need to spend much time here in the future.

I submit that this is the underlying issue for...well...darn near all the issues you (and, maybe, all the rest of us) are dealing with. But the marriage and career issues are so intermingled with our inner satisfaction that I don't understand how they can be seperated. At least I haven't been able to do it.

If you come to a place of enlightenment, and I hope you do, please share how you got there. I'd love to know.

Not much helpful to say; just waxing philosophical, I reckon. Glad you enjoyed your vacation. Sometimes an interruption in routine and habit is the best thing that can happen to us.

No enlightenment. I have given up on trying to get what I want as regards my marriage. I don't suggest anyone follow my example.

Best wishes, hold, even when you're not posting, I'll still be rooting for you silently!

Getting along well with Mrs. Hold now that sex as a source of conflict is off the table. I guess it took age and decline in desire for me to accept reality. She has applied for school and is looking to get a certificate so she can get a job. Should take her a couple of years since we want to spread out the tuition checks. Plus that gives her plenty of time to do some internships and find out what area she prefers, and to make some contacts in the field.

Good that she is out at college and planning on working. Maybe she will meet another man who would take her off your hands (marry her after she divorces you) and you dont have to make the decision to divorce her. Or, maybe she will turn into a non abusive caring wife for you. Either way, something good will come out of it.

I have pretty much given up the idea of divorce and finding someone else. I am too old and too tired. I am no longer physically capable of having the kind of sex I want, so why bother blowing things up to seek more or better sex?

No, as long as she continues to be pleasant and available for affection I am hoping she will choose to stay with me. And I am trying to interact with her more so she will want to.

We have found equilibrium. She has given up her dreams of riches. I have given up my dreams of sexual fulfilment. Both of us realize what the other person is sacrificing to stay together. We both feel it is a "fair deal". As Snarch (sp?) would say "typical marital sadism". Both of us are more concerned with the sadism being "fair and balanced" than with eliminating the pain. So for now, we both seem satisfied that the other person is suffering as much as we are, so we are comfortable being loving and supportive in areas outside of our spouse's primary complaint.

So far it seems to be working for us. Which cannot be said of the long time while we were each trying to get our needs met.

I would not suggest other people aim for where we find ourselves. But for now we are less mutually destructive than we were in the past.

Hold, I think you're in a decent place. The concept that everyone can have what they want with proper maneuvering is not in the cards for the majority, IMO.

You both value your family life and now that can continue to be a source of comfort and an area in which you work as a team. Mrs. Hold making a move to prepare for a job is a big step for both of you too.

There are so many other situations in which people find themselves that the redeeming qualities are very hard to find. This all sounds like a positive development.

Mrs. Hold reports that she did not feel close to me and did not enjoy our time spent together this past weekend. Shows how poor a judge I am of her. I thought we have been getting along better lately. I thought we had a nice date night on Saturday. Pleasant conversation over dinner. Clearly it did not work for her. Oh well. At least she was willing to be honest about how she feels.

Mrs. Hold reports that she did not feel close to me and did not enjoy our time spent together this past weekend

Well how did you feel around her? Close? Warm?

She is 50% resonsible for the closeness or not of the marriage. Maybe she could figure out a way to feel closer if she wants to be close.

Or perhaps she was just saying that to lay another stick on you before she abuses you once again or burns you down.

Did she say this statement and imply that it is due to YOUR FAILURES that she did not feel close to you? Or did she say it as just a fact?

She wants to abuse you.
She wants to control you.
She wants to withhold sex from you.
She wants you to make more money to give to her that she can blow and waste on junk.

Yet, she wants you to make her feel close to you on vacation?

FAT CHANCE!!!!!!!