She doesn't get to do those things because I am withdrawn. Mostly she gets to listen to me scream into the microphone while playing video games.

She doesn't withhold sex, since I stopped asking.

She knows I am never going to make more money (self-fulfilling prophesy), so she is going to school to qualify for a job so she can earn some of her own.

I think she doesn't feel close because she realizes that I will never be the financial success she expected. She said yesterday that part of why she overspent is that she always expected I would eventually succeed and that my incom would jump up and we could "pay ourselves back" for the debt. Only recently has she realized that I am never going to get there.

I think she no longer feels close because she has accepted that it is never going to happen. She realizes that if she knew at the beginning what she knows now, she would not have married me.

I do not begrudge her time to process these feelings. Everyone here knows how long it took me to accept that our sex life would never be what I hoped, and how long it took me to mourn its loss (to the extent that I am even done with that process). So I am sure she needs time to deal with her feelings of disappointment.

We discussed that once she starts working, she will meet men who can give her what I cannot. And that some of those men will make offers. She said she expects they will, but she isn't interested. I told her to please tell me if she ever feels differently.

When you can see it coming, duck!