Well, that is better than basing it on my view of myself, which is the worst view of all.

Look, we know I am totally messed up in the head. More evidence of that this morning.

Today Mrs. Hold offered to have sex. She actually reached over, jiggled me, and asked in a playful tone if I felt like anything. Long time readers might think "Hold's dream come true". Hardly. I pushed her hand away. Thanked her for offering. Told her that I was serious when I said I don't like myself, I am not happy with my sexual performance, and I am not enthusiastic about having sex while I am so down on myself.

So I turned down what used to be my dream. What do I dream of now? Nothing.

My wife has lost weight, she offered to have sex with my completely on her own with no cues from me that I was interested, she is going back to school (first class tomorrow), intends to get a full time job when she gets her certificate in 2 years. So all of my marital complaints are being addressed. And I am more depressed, negative and hopeless than years ago when all of my requests were being summarily rejected. So if you are asking "are you still a nut case", then my answer is "no, I am not the same nut case I was, I am even MORE of a nut case than before".

When you can see it coming, duck!