So all of my marital complaints are being addressed. And I am more depressed, negative and hopeless than years ago when all of my requests were being summarily rejected. So if you are asking "are you still a nut case", then my answer is "no, I am not the same nut case I was, I am even MORE of a nut case than before".

I think it's because as long as she is lacking in meeting your needs, you have someone else to focus and blame your unhappiness on. Once those needs are met, you will have to stop blaming her, and I can see that as somewhat vexing to a person who has become so used to blaming another person for their unhappiness.

As long as you refuse to allow her to meet your needs, you can continue to fool yourself into thinking she's still the same wife she was.

Hold...I think you intend to stay married. I do. Even after your kids are gone. Continuing to blame your wife just won't serve a purpose. Staying will be your choice, and refusing to allow her to meet your needs will also be your choice. Some people take huge issue with ownership. Maintaining withdrawal and grudges is sort of gratifying, and it could even be pleasurable to someone who has come to rely on it for satisfaction.

When there's no longer a reason to be in withdrawal, you're going to be forced to examine your rationale, and I think it is worrying you that you won't be able to justify it forever.