Hold: I have been reading Marriagebuilders since 2001. I hardly ever post, because I am not much of a talker.

But I have followed your story since the beginning 8 yrs ago. I liked you, and hoped against hope that things would change for you. But all I can say now is

STOP IT!!!

No matter what happens for the two of you as individuals (and I do feel that one or both of you can change/improve), your relationship is not going to get any better. It has been too long and patterns too ingrained. So maybe just suck it up and deal with it until you are ready to leave?