Originally Posted by MarriedForever
Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Does it make a difference if it's labeled IB or AH? They're both LBs.

cwmi, if you think this, that's cool, but since you're here, I encourage you to reread the Q&As about annoying habits. The plan for those is to pick one the top 5 for the moment, work on that one alone, and add the others to the list to be tackled later. It's something like when just 3 or so are eliminated, the rest become no longer LBs, because you're back in romatic love. You'd think it's a cute quirk, not as gaining something at your expense. You have cute quirks, that don't annoy him or make withdrawals, right?

threadjack/ (because this isn't what this thread is about!)

FTR, and not that anyone asked, I do believe this is a POJA issue ~ POJA states "do not do ANYTHING without your spouse's "enthusiastic agreement"".

CWMI's H IS doing something without her enthusiastic agreement and it's draining her LB$. Maybe it seems petty or controlling to some people but that isn't the issue ~ for whatever reason it bothers her (could be a money issue, could be a health issue, who knows) ~ and it SHOULD be POJA'ed ~ EVERYTHING should in a M.

As to whether or not they are not "there yet" in using POJA I don't know ~ Dr. H repeatedly says to use POJA on small issues first, and this seems like a fairly small issue.

My $.02 worth.


Yes and no...If you'll note, on the private forum, Dr. Harley MANY, MANY times tells people NOT to negotiate [use POJA] YET...He advises them to spend UA time together FIRST - fill those lovebanks - and AVOID negotiations until the LB$ balance is higher...MB is NOT simply a conflict resolution program - It is a program designed to create and maintain romantic love - I understand that using POJA is a part of that, but POJA can't be effectively used if lovebanks are deep in the red...

Mrs. W

FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered