Originally Posted by CWMI
The whole failure to POJA and the belief that what one spouse does SHOULD NOT affect the other was at the very core of our marital problems.

THIS is the basis of everything else on MB. It is at the HEART of the whole program and is the one piece that makes everything else work.

It is the realization that in order to become compatible, to become ONE with each other we must always take each other into account whenever we doing ANYTHING at all.

EVERYTHING related to Marriage Builders flows from this single premise. The methods and actions all rest on this foundation and without it, the other stuff simply becomes a bunch of stuff to do. With this as our mindset we DO the things that are Marriage Builders. Without it, we continue to struggle to figure out what is missing and what to do next.

Not having this as our reason for doing what we do it turns into me and you, your stuff and my stuff and our stuff and never really becomes US. It is knowing that what we do affects each other that allows us to find solutions to conflicts as they arise without having to be guided in the process for every step we take. It is even at the heart of how to fight an affair and is what allows a BS to fight against the real enemy of his or her marriage and stop thinking of the relationship as having become a confrontation that needs to be won over all opposition.

NOTHING in MB is more important than this fact.

Whatever we do, it affects our spouse.