HOLD, I suspect, as you said, it is a combination of timing, aging, personal growth (yes, on both your parts!), and perhaps, the old adage that it is when we finally give up looking for what we truly desire, that we find it. I suspect, that even during the times when there were celibacy agreements, your desire was very much still in place. You as well as I know that we humans, and perhaps especially women, have uncanny sensory abilities, or gut instincts, when it comes to sensing what people really want from us right? I suspect Mrs HOLD sensed your true desire. Is it odd that you would have to die to your desire in order for her to find it for you? Yes, but it's far from the first time I've seen this happen, in both my own life and in the lives of others I've known. The bible puts it similarly, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." It is when we get the point where we are truly willing to give up, that we oftentimes find what is we were looking for. I pray this string of blessing continues for you HOLD, I really do!