Did you tell her mother and dad?
Is the OM married?
Do they work together?
What other people in your lives have any kind of influence over your wife?
What was the "violation of trust" here? Did you also have an affair?
I told her mother who she's very close to. To tell her dad would be a bit complicated. They have a relationship, but it's strained at times. I don't think he would do the best at approaching the situation in love. I was pretty sure if I told him that he'd send a text to her along the lines of 'What in the heck are you doing to your husband?'
The OM isn't married. As far as I know, he hasn't had a serious relationship in a while. One other thing that I just remembered...she keeps saying how she doesn't want to hurt him or me.
They've never technically worked together. They just happen to be in the same industry. I'd guess there are maybe 500-1000 people in that industry in this area.
I think I've potentially exhausted that list aside from close mutual friends of ours (that were originally her friends). She's always gotten along with not too many close friends.
I did not have an affair. I put "violation of trust" in quotations marks, because I think that's how she's going to view the exposure...that I went behind her back and ruined her reputation when we should've resolved the issue by ourselves. (But that clearly wasn't working, and I was going a little insane trapped inside my brain.)
That does bring up the point that I've had a problem with porn in the past though. I pretty much got rid of it after we started dating, but I did lapse back into that trap occasionally when she'd be gone for long trips (maybe 10-15 times over 2.5 years). That said, as I became aware of how much it was hurting her, I cut it out. I've been fortunate to have gone without it for almost three months now.
