I told her mother who she's very close to. To tell her dad would be a bit complicated. They have a relationship, but it's strained at times. I don't think he would do the best at approaching the situation in love. I was pretty sure if I told him that he send a text to her along the lines of 'What in the heck are you doing to your husband?'
This would be a very effective exposure, so I would add him to the list. You want loved ones and friends calling her up asking "what the hell are you doing?" That is what a caring person would do.
Any other exposure targets should be told tomorrow. You don't want to dribble this out.
NOW, when will these people be calling your wife? Are they calling this weekend? It would be best if she found out about the exposure from her friends and family when they call her.
Does he have a facebook page? If so, I would expose to his parents and other family via facebook messages. [we have some sample letters] Do you know if he has a facebook page?
I did not have an affair. I put "violation of trust" in quotations marks, because I think that's how she's going to view the exposure...that I went behind her back and ruined her reputation when we should've resolved the issue by ourselves. (But that clearly wasn't working, and I was going a little insane trapped inside my brain.)
That would be an irrational response so I wouldn't give it another thought. Of course you didn't ruin her rep or violate trust. If her rep is ruined it is because of her affair, that is not your fault. And there is nothing untrustworthy about exposing bad behavior. It is untrustworthy to have an affair, not untrustworthy to expose an affair.
My suggestion is to finish up the exposures tomorrow [especially her father and the OM's family] and hopefully these people will call her and have a chat. If they won't call her,[shame on them if they don't!!] then I would tell her you have exposed the affair.
And I do think you should have a face to face with loser boy and let him know hell is coming his way if he doesn't stay away from your wife. I suggest leaving your pistol in the car for this visit.