Originally Posted by wannatry
Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
This is all speculation on my part. But if he thinks divorce means freedom, then he is not enjoying being married. This means that needs are not being met and lovebusting is going on. Basically he is not happy with his spouse if he thinks D means freedom.

More speculation...
Using MB as appeasement was mentioned. This would seem to implty that he feels badgered or worn down by constant demands or having to live in what he considers unrealistic expectations of a spouse but is afraid to say something because of how CWMI will react.


He was desperate to find a different job because the job conflict was a constant source of fighting. So he found one, asked a few questions that made it seem like everything was 100% spouse friendly and travel wasn�t an issue, and just ran with it at face value. Or they indicated that a little travel would happen and occasionally a black tie happening would pop up that was employees only. He figured that he could at least get some appeasement for the time being and would put up with her being mad later. It�s like the whole �better to ask for forgiveness than permission.�
Again, this is all just a guess.
CWMI, I�d say that he�s not exactly happy in the marriage either but perhaps he�s a conflict avoider. So now he goes for the gusto and just puts up a wall.

You said he did mention feeling manipulated by SH into getting what you want. Maybe he really does feel that way. Maybe he feels like he has to bend to your desires and forego what he wants as in the saying �if mom aint happy, aint no one happy�. Maybe you should ask him why he feels manipulated by MB.

Whether any or all of this is ridiculous or not, he isn�t honest with his feelings for a reason. Maybe this is worth investigating.

Really? For a lot of men (and women, for that matter) D IS freedom. It is freedom by definition. Some people would prefer never having to negotiate or answer to anyone than be happily married. Furthermore, many people regret getting divorced when they realize that being free and single isn't all it's cracked up to be and they wish they hadn't gotten divorced. But they def. had much more "freedom". That isn't to say that CWMI's H doesn't feel worn down or badgered. He probably does. He doesn't want to put up with it anymore. CWMI had two options: leave or try to get her H to put their marriage first. He doesn't want to, so any attempt on her part is badgering. Or maybe she resorts to what he perceives as LBs to get what she wants. Since he wasn't O & H that really absolves her of a lot of guilt in my opinion...

If you are suggesting the CWMI love busted in reaction to finding out that her H lied about something that is at the core of their marriage troubles and did not put their marriage first, I think she might agree. But that doesn't change the fact that even after 6 months of MB counseling he still isn't putting his marriage first. CWMI doesn't have to be perfect in order for her husband to put the marriage first. He feels prodded...I get the vibe that he always feels prodded and is okay going along with whatever. He didn't want to rock the boat during the job interview process and he doesn't want to rock the boat with his employer. I bet he doesn't want to rock the boat with CWMI, either, but she isn't giving him a choice. Its up to her what she is willing to put up with.

KT, your impressions are probably somewhat accurate other than the freedom thing...and you probably know that situation better than I do...so...what do you suggest she do? Your post seemed like you were just stating that this was probably her fault...which doesn't seem helpful or maybe what you intended?

I�m not saying anything other than a few observations based on what CWMI has typed. I don�t know a lot of guys or girls that would rather be divorced than work on issues.

I�m not commenting on CWMI�s reaction to her husband and his job issue. I�m talking in general. CWMI�s husband has an ongoing issue with hiding the truth or delaying the truth. It has been theorized that because of the way CWMI interacts with her husband that he does not feel safe in being honest with her (as crazy as that sounds) because of how she�ll react to him.
And I would never say that this is CWMI�s fault.

Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)