@CynicalRomantic -

My XGF yelled, screamed, called me vindictive after exposure.

One week later, last night, she tells me that she should be mad at me, but she isn't.

You've given the people around you both, a choice of three options to select from:
  1. BH
  2. WW
  3. BH and WW

Now you need to find out which of those people selected option 3. Bring them into your support group. Throw away the option 1 and 2 people.

I'm so very scared.

This is fear. It is normal. It is telling you to fight or take to flight.

Because both of these actions are going to make you react from instincts and habits, in other words you are going to be not thinking clearly, just reacting immediately. You need a plan of action, Plan A. That way when you do react you have a set of instructions to work from, Plan A.

Where is your Plan A?

You need to read Mark's Rant For Newbies.