Originally Posted by CWMI
I don't want to be consumed by his job. I want to live our lives together, doing things we both like. So now I'm really pushing it, eh? I don't want him to do events that I'm not invited to, but I also do not want him doing three outside events in ten days, either--I did NOT sign up for that. I did not agree to have my life dictated by his job. I agreed to the working hours, quarterly events, and no travel.

ok, you didn't agree to this. I hope I'm following your story correctly. You told Mr. CWMI what was acceptable to you when it came to employment. Before taking the job, he told you that this new position stays within the parameters that you both POJA'd. Four mos later, you're blindsided by Mr. CWMI when he tells you that parties, events, and overnight travel are now part of his job description? Mr. CWMI basically tells you to lump it or D? And now you feel like you're not certain how to proceed?

hmmmm, did you tell Mr CWMI what the consequences would be if he lied about what the job involved? (I assume that you didn't discuss any consequences because you naturally believed there was O and H POJA.)

I can't see any other way you could proceed short of Plan B. Because he knew what the boundaries were. He POJA'd these with you before accepting that job. The only thing that can be done is for him to tell his boss that he isn't available to do the events, parties, travel, etc. He could say to the boss to put those responsibilities on one of the other "top" employees who is willing to do it.

But he won't and that is your dilemma. If you re-negotiate at this point, or even if you are "nice" and let him go, then he will see your wants, needs, agreements, etc as something that can always be re-negotiated. Your boundaries won't be respected. In fact, he will get angry when you don't reneg. on your boundaries. And this is what's happening with his job.

In the past,I think you have made so many concessions where your wants, needs, boundaries are concerned that he honestly believes that he knows what you *need* more than you do. Not only does he know what you truly need, but he knows best on how that need should be met.

Like I've said before, you've got to say what you mean and follow through with the consequences you say will happen.

Live, love, and laugh because the best is yet to come!