I'm sorry, too, kt, for dismissing you so broadly. I'm a bit touchy to any suggestion that I am at fault here. I feel like I have done everything I need to, above and beyond what I needed to do, and having all this falling around me is blowing a few connections in my brain...I simply cannot fathom it.

He told everyone else the same thing he told me: this job had NO TRAVEL and no events that I was not invited to attend. He's acting like he has no idea where I came up with that! Which is the bigger DJ: thinking that he is intentionally gaslighting me in order to keep me off-balance and drive me insane, or that he is truly that self-deluded to believe that he never said it to me or the several people I've spoken to whom he also said the same thing?

What he thinks a marriage should be depends on what he wants in the moment. For the last several months, he was all-in with a MB marriage--making decisions together, considering each other, spending lots of time together, connecting emotionally, being O&H (or so I thought...). He wants that until it interferes with something else. Then he wants a marriage where it is okay for one spouse to disregard the feelings of the other and it is the job of the disregarded spouse to be understanding and forgiving. He has said that: he believes the problem here is that I am not understanding and forgiving, and that I am ridiculous for expecting him to consider me when it comes to his job. What??? It's like he doesn't even remember WHY he changed jobs to begin with.

You know how he is about support for his job. I asked him the other day, "If you had to choose between being the best employee at your job, or being the best husband and father at home, which would you choose?" He said husband and father, of course! I told him that I would like it if he kept that in mind when making his decisions.