CWMI, I think you know what is going on here. He is ashamed that he cannot meet your need. He feels he cannot earn a standard of living that he can be proud of and also meet your requirements as to hours worked, business intrusion into personal life, business travel, etc. Instead of turning inward and searching for a way to satisfy the competing demands, he turns on you. And asks you to reduce your demands.

Not MB behavior. Not loving and cherishing your spouse. But very common and understandable.

It doesn't matter whether he views your needs and boundaries as reasonable. You are entitled to want what you want. No reason for you to be enthusiastic about his falling short or his refusing to even try to meet your ENs. No reason for you to feel romantic love for him if he continues to behave the way he behaves.

But as you say, maybe he simply cannot do better. Or maybe he can, but he is so convinced he can't that he won't even try. Doesn't matter which it is. He has decided he is not going to meet your ENs. His choice leaves you with a very tough decision.

My wife has recently decided, at least as far as I can tell, to give up on my ever meeting her need for FS. She appears to be willing to stay with me and make the best of it even though I am unable to meet her need. You are not obliged to make the same choice. In many ways I would admire you if you decided to leave him. That would take guts I don't have.