kt, over and over again in our interactions, it begins with me stating that I'm not happy about something that he did or plans to do, and he responds with a list of things that I have done 'wrong' (the list of 100 pages??? still haven't seen that).

He has said he wants me to show more support of his career by doing exactly those things: adjusting our plans to fit the whims of his job and to do so happily. No, his father barely ever worked at all, they were extremely poor. Whether or not he was an only child is debatable. He has something like 20 siblings if you count all of his natural parents' children and the children of their various spouses over the years, so sometimes he lived with no siblings in the home, full siblings in the home, half siblings in the home, or step-siblings in the home. Varied month to month and year to year. ETA: sometimes he lived with other relatives, and even some non-relatives as well.

LG: "When the boss says I have to work late, or go away, or do X, Y and Z, I call my BW and tell her what is up, and then I go tell the boss what I can DO." How can I get him to do THAT? He does call and tell me what he is doing, after the decision is made. He considers that to be 'keeping me in the loop.' How do I get him to see that I need to be part of the decision-making process?

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)