CWMI, I predict you are going to continue to be frustrated with your H. I do not think you are on the same page on some fairly major issues. And I do not think your H is prepared to be honest with you. Because he fears (and not unreasonably) that if he admits the truth, you won't want to remain married to him. I think it will be very difficult for you to motivate your H to adopt RH while he feels this way.

My wife and I have gone through this. She would not be honest about her attitude toward sex. I allowed her to continue to hold unreaslistic expectations of my career ambitions. In both cases, we refused to be RH because we feared that the other person would leave if we were honest.

I think you need to make a decision. You need to decide for yourself what you will and will not tolerate. Are you leaving if he refuses to be open and honest? Are you leaving if he admits that he has no intention of involving you in his work decisions? Are you staying either way, but you want to know where you stand so you can adopt appropriate coping mechanisms?

Radical Honesty is wonderful where both people are committed to building a fabulous marriage as a first order life goal. It is great when people get to the point where they view criticism from a spouse as valuable information, so that the listener can better meet their spouse's needs and avoid love busters. But that attitude requires that one believe they can succeed. I must have confidence that, with effort and accurate information about my wife's ENS, I can satisfy them.

I think your H lacks this confidence. I am guessing that he thinks he cannot succeed in his career if he adopts the restrictions you are suggesting. Which is why he wants you to loosen the restrictions. Not saying he is right. Not saying you aren't entitled to want what you want. But if he doesn't think he can provide what you want, he may well continue to press you to ask for less rather than stepping up and offering you (and demanding from outsiders) more.

I can remember many conversations in which I basically told Mrs. Hold "please do not ask me or express desire for anything I can't afford to buy you. It makes me feel incompetent and worthless." Yes, I know that goes against RH. I should want to know her desires so we can POJA a way to satisfy them. But I didn't believe any POJA was available (still don't), so I didn't want to hear her requests. Perhaps your H feels similarly?

When you can see it coming, duck!