It does appear the problem here is that there is no "poja"

For "poja" there nneeds to be enthusiastic agreement.

To say the "husband is going along with it in theory" is somewhat overstating it. He clearly says he feels manipulated. Certainly not enthusiastic. More like goiing along with it under duress.

For a good working "poja" there needs to be consideration of the other spouse, from both sides. It appears to be similar in some ways to John Nash's (beautiful mind) theory on negotiation.

Each person needs to consider the other so that a win win situation developes. If there is no win win, then there is unlikely to be any enthusiastic agreement.

Some of the best results from "poja" come from when a dominant partner realises that to "poja" they need to consider the other person. This can have a transforming effect.

Due consideration is probably the fundametal basis for a good marriage.