CWMI:

You were gone for a while, and I am glad you enjoyed (?) your trip to Naw'Leans.

7 cars in 10 years? Then you say he sells cars, that would not sound that unusual. But, you say he took this job in the dealership, so he just started selling cars, right?

I could have a new car every year. Flamingo has had 4 in her life time, I have had over 12 now. At one time, she still owned three of them.... She likes to keep stuff, and I like to trade them in. I have had basically the same car for 8 years now. It suits are purposes. And I had the oppurtunity when the old one was wrecked last year to get whatever I wanted, and I bought the same type of car again. I have quashed my desires for something exciting, for what made sense for the long term for my family. That is something new for me.

With that, Is your husband GOOD at his new job? Its not part of this question, whether he travels, or doesn't come home, but is he GOOD at it? Can he move METAL?

Does he make a good salary?
Does he spend quality time with the kids?
Does he do anything right?
Has ANYTHING changed about him in the past two years?

Should you spend more time with SH? You shouldn't, your Husband Should. Let him talk to SH a number of times without your input. Maybe he won't feel "maniupulated" becasue he will just be able to discuss what HE feels he needs to discuss with SH. And maybe, SH can get your H more fully on board with giving you the active consideration of what is important to you.

Knowing what is going on in his life, as soon as possible after he finds out, so that you two can make plans where it impacts things going on in your life.

It really not the travel. Its the lack of consideration about what HE is doing and how it affects you. He learns on the 2nd of the month that he needs to go overnight on the 15th. He tells you on the 14th. So, you had no time to be prepared, and since there was X event in your life on the 15th, the support you thought you had isn't there. And there is nothing you can do about it, and you have to scramble to fill the hole. And your H goes to his travel skipping lightly...

And that builds resentment in you...

If the travel is a deal breaker for you, then you have to break the deal. And get D'ed.

If you felt that he gave you the consideration FIRST, over everything ELSE, and then his job, his travel, and his cars, then, you might actually have a shot at a good marriage. I think SH can help with this. Let your H talk to SH, and let them talk a number of times, and let SH guide him and show him a new way of doing things. A way that makes your H comfortable when the "man" imposes a work issue on him, and also you, becasue your H works WITH you, and not seemingly against you.

And one thing that Flamingo learned after 45 years. You can choose your attitude. Are drinks expensive when you travel? Yep. So you search for bargains, or bring your own in the future. In N.O. dirty and smuty? Yep. So, you reserach MORE the places you are going, or realize that this isn't the place for you, and find something else to do. Was your H an A-hole? Maybe, but what was he presented with? A happy person, or an angry person? Choose your attitude.

LG