The trouble is, even the best decisions reached by POJA will sometimes crumble.

And then it is time to renegotiate... If it is not possible to POJA a new arrangement successfully, then it's time to consider whether or not you can sustain the marriage.

Fwiw, I still believe that your husband may have actually thought this job would not require travel, and that spouses would be welcome. Didn't you even say you had an e-mail where his new boss said one thing and later did another?

Further, didn't you say your husband had received a promotion, and this is why he is traveling?

I say all this, not to ask you to change anything... but because I hope that no matter what happens, you can see that your husband may not have been lying to you. I guess it falls along the lines of "thinking the best" about him.

Ultimately, you guys may not be able to work this out. You may not be able to reach a new agreement that you both can be enthusiastic about, and it may lead to Plan B or even Plan D.

If that happens, I would be sad for both of you.

In the past, I have suggested that you consider getting help so that being "left alone" is not so devastating for you... In that way, perhaps you would feel that travel once of twice a year is not worth ending a marriage over. You did not like that advice.

I wonder if there is any way for you guys to come up with any sort of agreement that doesn't mean him either changing jobs again, or refusing this promotion, or entirely ending travel, if that isn't something HE wants to do.

You don't want him to travel.
He doesn't want to give up travel.
You want him to do anything (including changing careers, avoiding promotions, etc) in order to avoid travel.
He doesn't want to change a career in which he is successful.

You don't know what is going into his feelings about all of this. Perhaps he is afraid he won't be able to make the same kind of money doing something else. I know that this doesn't matter to you, but it DOES matter to him.

Perhaps he is sincerely convinced that other positions involve travel.

You might be interested to know that there IS travel requirements for upper management at McDonald's corporation. And your husband simply doesn't strike me as the kind of man who would be able to remain at a low level. He is an upward-mobile kind of guy, and that would follow him wherever he went. He is successful.

I don't know, cwmi.

This may really be beyond the capabilities of this board. What kind of timeline do you have for reconnecting with the Harley's?

Me 42
H 46
Married 12 years
Two children D9 and D4 !