Originally Posted by CWMI
Originally Posted by Telly
The trouble is, even the best decisions reached by POJA will sometimes crumble.

Especially those reached without RH. Those are doomed from the start. Agree?

Yes, those crumble, too, but those are not the best decisions Telly was speaking of. Those are some of the lousy decisions.

Even decisions made with enthusiasm and honesty are made by people who may feel different later. I asked Dr. Harley about this recently, and he said:


The POJA provides an interesting solution to the problem of unfulfilled agreements: It encourages spouses to let each other off the hook when one spouse wants to bail at the last minute. "Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse" focuses on the doing, not the planning. The reason, of course, is that if you care about each other, you should not gain at your spouse's expense. At the time of the original agreement, it may have seemed as if both spouses would gain, but as the even draws closer one spouse may see a problem. When that happens, the agreement should be scrapped and a new agreement, with the problem acknowledged, should be negotiated.

The point of the POJA is that everything you do should benefit both of you. And if you can't think of a way for that to happen, you should do nothing until a solution is found.

Best wishes,
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Here's the link, for anyone who can get there:


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Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
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If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.