Originally Posted by CWMI
In the past, I have suggested that you consider getting help so that being "left alone" is not so devastating for you... In that way, perhaps you would feel that travel once of twice a year is not worth ending a marriage over. You did not like that advice.

Perhaps it is not clear to you that this is sacrifice. If I knew at 22 that traveling for business was not something I wanted in my life, why do you think I should accommodate that at 40? If I did not want to go MYSELF, why would I be okay with my spouse going?

I don't think you are out of line wanting your husband not to travel without you. That's Dr. Harley's own standard! No nights apart, anyway; I believe he has no problem with day trips apart, so long as all the other conditions for a good marriage are followed, of course, like the POUA, the POJA, and the PORH.

Demands, disrespect, and anger will make it impossible to get this goal achieved long term, of course.

The marriage builders premise is that easier for one of you to change is behavior than for the other to change her emotional response to that behavior. (And vice versa, of course!!!) Now, if you rethink things and it does change an emotional response, that is helpful. But it isn't always easy.

For the record, Prisca hates to be left, too; if she had her way I wouldn't even work outside of our home. (And I'd love that.) She puts up with it only because somebody has to pull in a paycheck, I think. I love that she loves me that much. But I hate that just going to work can be a love bank withdrawal. Mark always says you're going to get stuck with bumps of life like that that make withdrawals no matter what, so you better be making massive deposits every day.

Of course, Prisca and I love to travel. Practically anywhere. She would've loved to tag along with me on a short business trip, even if all she got to do was hole up in a hotel room with all the kids and see me in the afternoons and evenings.

This isn't rocket science. This isn't some big secret, or conspiracy to make my H feel bad and ruin his life. I have a long-term ingrained objection to it, for myself and anyone I share my life with. Why are you insisting that I am wrong in my own self-assessment? I already said, I'm fine with being alone. I'm not fine with being alone AND in a relationship. What is so hard for you to figure out about that?

Careful. Like MelodyLane always says, don't shoot the rescue helicopters.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.