Originally Posted by CWMI
Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
Originally Posted by CWMI
Perhaps it is not clear to you that this is sacrifice. If I knew at 22 that traveling for business was not something I wanted in my life, why do you think I should accommodate that at 40? If I did not want to go MYSELF, why would I be okay with my spouse going?

This isn't rocket science. This isn't some big secret, or conspiracy to make my H feel bad and ruin his life. I have a long-term ingrained objection to it, for myself and anyone I share my life with. Why are you insisting that I am wrong in my own self-assessment? I already said, I'm fine with being alone. I'm not fine with being alone AND in a relationship. What is so hard for you to figure out about that?


Is it possible you have a problem with the way you speak to people in general---including your dh?

Seriously, what do you expect me to say? "Oh, you're so right, I've been so foolish to think that my feelings mean anything here, you're so correct that I should change them to suit what my H wants, after all, it is all on me, so I'll change my feelings post-haste and thank you so much for pointing out my error! I'm SOOOO happy now!!!111!!!"


That would be great if I was a didtz.

eta: or ditz. YSMV. smile

See- you did it again. You replied to me in an insultingly dismissive manner. The thing is, *I* don't care. I'm not married to you, nor are you my sister, or my neighbor, or my friend, or my in law....or anyone that I EVER have to deal with.

My question was directed to you btw--I wasn't attempting to answer your question to Telly (the substance of which has nothing to do with my point). My question is 'Is it possible you have a problem with the way you speak to people in general--including your dh?' I said nothing to you about your feelings not 'meaning anything.' I was trying to kindly point out that you are harsh. Ugly talking. Arrogant.

People don't like those qualities.

When I first came here in 07, LA tried to get me to see this about myself. I was so wrapped up in my self-righteous holier than thou mentality that I would not bend....until one day she said, 'I give up.' to me. I was crushed. I suddenly saw myself as others must see me.

The thing is, my now XH turned out to be a WH and he wasn't worth keeping. Maybe that is how your situation will turn out to be. However, your general tone toward all of us is yours to own. I would want to address that if I were in your shoes regardless of whether the marriage makes it or not.