Can you not go there now? One thing I think you and your wife should do ASAP is expose this affair to your children and any close friends and family who are there with her. It should be exposed to anyone who can hold her accountable. I would get the kids on the phone and tell them about the affair, explain that OM is a bad man and that they are to call you if he comes around.

Our kids are so young (eldest 10 down to youngest of 2). I really don't want to get them dragged into all this and hurt in the process. Right now they are alone with the unfaithful partner and to tell them that mummy has been cheating could have serious consequences right now. What if one of them decided to run away? They know very few people over there and are totally reliant of my wife for their support and wellbeing. I can't drive a wedge between her and them.

My wife's mother is there on occasion, but I can't tell her either. She and my wife have many unresolved issues from her childhood and this would be the icing on the cake I feel. They have never had the best of relationships.

I could expose this to her family here, but I really don't want to leave her open to the disgrace and shame. I love her too much for that.