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No, we know it too. You are in denial. You are making serious strategic mistakes.

Strategy indicates that all situations are the same and can be dealt with in the same way. In know that you are far more knowledgeable on this than me, and that you are trying to help, but can it be so clear-cut that the affair will continue if nothing is exposed?

I can only go by what she has told me until now. She says she has learned a very harsh lesson, that she is now allergic to the attention of men. That she wants no contact with this OM ever again.

Is it so definite that the affair will progress further?

She tells me that she will submit to my choices, and if I decide that her and the kids should come back here she is willing to do that. Great you might say. But we have had this plan to move for 6 years now. I know that if she comes back she will be willing to make things work but how long before she wants to restart the plans? I'm not talking about the affair here, as that is something that only begun within the last 5 weeks; I am talking about our dream of building a business and a life together there.

I realise that I come across as very naive. My world has been blown apart only 6 days ago, and it is all a bit much to take in right now.

I appreciate all the comments and take what I can from ALL of them.