Originally Posted by CWMI
Call attention to it. You're right, to a point, that it's a habit that people need time to consciously break. I get uber frustrated when he attempts to argue that it is the right thing to do (excluding the santa thing, of course!), I'm like, "Since when? Says who?"

lol...it only damages your integrity if people find out, right? omg...

As someone who is himself working through dishonesty I know how hard it is to break out of that habit. I identify myself as a "stay out of trouble liar". I have no idea when or how it started but when I look back at my life I can see the pattern reaching back to childhood. It is HARD breaking up the old pattern and creating a new one. But reading about your husband's problem at work makes me think that he is trying to do that. I think if he didn't know he had a problem with dishonesty, or if he knew but didn't want to change, he wouldn't have told you about the work issue at all. By telling you about the problem and telling you what he planned to do he was probably looking for permission to continue his old pattern, but maybe also looking for help in doing the right thing. He may have been trying to talk it out with you to help him change his course of action without even realizing it. It's easier to go with the old pattern because it's what we have the most practice with. Even though we know it's wrong. We find ways to make ourselves feel it is right.

Recognizing this kind of pattern in oneself and beginning work on it is really difficult. When I see it in myself it is so embarrassing. I feel so childish. My big fear is often how judgmental my wife will be, not about anything related to a lie itself. And then when I'm honest hearing "See?! See how easy it is? I told you so," is really awful, too. "I told you so" is infuriating.

I hope he "does right" in this work situation you described. And if he DOES, tell him you're proud of him.

This stuff that's hurting right now, this pain, this fear,
it's temporary.