I'm going to do a bit of t/j-ing as well.

You asked about "I told you so!"- In my family "I told you so meant the following:

1) The person who said "I told you" was right, and the other party was wrong. See, someone in the marriage always had to be "wrong" or "bad". And, as I learned, it was the wife who was doling out the "Told Yous" and the husband and child who were wrong and bad.

2)The person who says "I told you so" was preventing others from making mistakes. Because making mistakes is a shameful thing.

3) The person who said "I told you so" implicitly knows other people best. That means, that if I were in a conversation and got told "I told you", that meant, that essentially I was stupid and that my feelings and emotions weren't real or valid. I MUST be mistaking how I'm thinking or feeling.

As for the lying. Another habitual fibber here as well. I also learned it as a coping mechanism. I have a borderline parent. At any given moment, a borderline can rage. You don't know when it's coming. And, well, being dishonest was easier than putting myself out there to be raged at. Besides lying, I also used self- injury as a coping mechanism.