I have been thinking lately that we would be happier if we moved into a much smaller house and paid a much smaller mortgage. I think we would be happier with less crap.

A couple months ago -- I did not get a promotion I was going after. The kid who worked for me got the job. Younger kid, I brought him on, taught him.... he's excellent. Really like the guy. But then he becomes my boss. And (you can't make this up) I was actually called with this news ON MY 40th BIRTHDAY! "Hey! Happy 40th! You didn't get the job. But your employee jumped over you and he got the job."

What a punch in the gut.

But, you know what -- he is working his [censored] off and I am spending more time at home than ever ! I am good at what I do and I am finding it easier and easier.

I think getting laid off and moving into a small apartment would make us happy.

So all that being said.... Ladies -- you really need to sit down with men and talk about this work thing. Its not easy out there. There is a ton of stress involved in providing for the family. In being a bread winner. In witnessing HIGH unemployment. In raises not coming through... bonuses getting cut... seeing your colleagues lose their job. Its been rough out there and the job is not guaranteed. Sometimeswe have to do more and more and cannot just clock off at 5:00. I had a buyer that was at his desk at 6AM and didn't leave until past 6PM. And usually wanted to have drinks after work. As much as I wanted to cut back... leaving the house at 7:30AM and getting home at 6:00 PM and never checking blackberry all night or weekend really made me a slacker compared to other people.

All that being said... I really started to realize that it was killing the relationship at home -- which I wanted to strengthen. Little things make a big difference. Communicate. Make a call home. Figure out when your wife likes to get a phone call and make a fully focused phone call for ten minutes. No distractions. Go into a conference room if you can.

Also, text'ing is a great invention. I like to text my wife throughout the day. Just silly stuff and important stuff. Its important to stay connected even when you're really busy and really must be away.

Right now however, I wish my wife would take the initiative to save money. Cut back on something. I mean really pick some things we don't need and get rid of them. Too many cable channels... some magazines... some community center activities for the kids... sell old clothes at Once Upon a Child to make some dough. Sell some crap on CraigsList. Bust our butts together on a garage sale (I did the garage sale all by myself last summer) Cut a cell phone plan. Cut the nasty high sugar expensive snacks in the pantry. Don't go out to every new release movie in 3D or IMAX.

Really sit down and have a conversation about this work thing with husbands. It defines us. Its impressive how hard we can work. Its amazing how much we can provide. But it becomes a trap. Wouldn't be surprised if some of your men don't feel trapped by it all and have a lot of anxiety about being able to provide and keep that job.

Me: 43
ExWW: 44
Married 16yrs. 4 children

EA (ExWW): May-Nov 2009 + Aug-Dec 2010
D-DAY JAN 30, 2011
Exposure: FEB 7, 2011
Contact Again: Apr 25, 2011
Divorce Final Sept 2012

"I want to be married and stay married. Now I uunderstand the kind of marriage I want and we all deserve. But I also know it takes two to want to Build that Marriage."