I do wonder if there is purpose in this conversation that you "need" to have?
Is there something that you need to tell your wife that she does not already know?
Do you need to ask her something that you have not yet figured out? I think not.

I an thinking your wife probably would also rather have body parts removed than have the conversation yet again.
To be honest it would probably put me off sex for another month. But we are all different, I don't know your wife.

It seems to me you need to think of a winning plan. Or at least a plan that might even have a small chance of success.
What you have been doing for the last 20 years isn't working so maybe you should try something different.

I think you could come up with a winning plan. Maybe it's time to give it a try?