Originally Posted By: jackblack
Is there something that you need to tell your wife that she does not already know?


Actually, there is. In past years, "performance" was never a problem for me. As you probably gather, she doesn't "help" in any way. But that never mattered before. Now I need some help if I am to perform. Which requires us to venture into areas of behavior we have so far avoided - hence the need for communication. Or we need to restrict her advances to ocassions where we have enough time for me to get my help from a blue pill. Which means she cannot be spontaneous and expect good results.

Also, part of this is clearly psychological. In the past, it didn't bother me that she dissociated and mentally flew off to Planet X when we had sex. She consented and that was enough for me. Now I feel bad when she offers "mere" consent. Not sure she realizes this new perspective. Reducing my anxiety about whether I am taking advantage of her would be much easier if she would share her thoughts and feelings about why she is consenting and how she feels about having sex in these circumstances.

The performance issues on my part are new to both of us. So is my resistance to accepting her consent. So yes, I think there are topics for discussion that are not hackneyed. That doesn't mean it will be a pleasant conversation for either of us.

Quote:
How about trying something new?


Come on Jack. You know I am never going to try anything that might actually work. That would either require that I become a big success at work - which terrifies me. Or leave Mrs. Hold - which terrifies me. I would much rather stay comfortably ensconced in my misery than brave the dark waters of change.


When you can see it coming, duck!