Telly, that is a great idea. I need to be more honest in the moment.

This morning on her way out (after the ritual peck on the cheek to show me Affection) Mrs. Hold said "seeya" in a cheery tone.
I replied "no I won't, that is the problem".
She asked "what do you mean, where are you going?"
I said "no where but you are going to work and I am going to work so I won't see you all day. Bummer."
She said "that is a sweet thought, thank you."
Then she left.

I don't think I have done a good job of communicating how much our relationship dominates my thoughts every waking moment, and in such a negative manner. Most of the time I talk to her in a very loving if co-dependent manner. Exactly what Harley warns against. I repress and resent and then it builds up and I self-sabotage. Deeply embedded pattern that I have not been motivated to change. Maybe as we get closer to the kids leaving, I will be brave enough to be honest more of the time.