I want to be sure of what is bothering you so much.

1. He needs validation from his work more than he needs it from you?

2. He receives validation from his work more than he does from you.

3. He doesn't validate or respect you and your needs.

I also see now that he is working 60 and 70 hours a week, another slippage from what this job was supposed to be. I have been in that situation, where the management slowly turns up the heat, and has everyone competing to work unpaid overtime. That's a tough one to fight, in this economy.

Back to my original suggestion - the two of you chill out, back up, and get him to brainstorm, blue sky, clean sheet of paper, what he would really like to be doing, what would really make him happy - not how he would tune his current job or career.

Let him talk it out. Then you do the same for what you would like in your ideal world. Don't limit your thinking to your present world.

Me: 61
Dear Wife: 58
Married: 35 years