Cwmi, I was hoping those changes back then would last. It seemed to simple, it was all in place, set up for success.

I don't think it's stupidity. I think it's Renter mentality. "I'm willing to make some limited repairs, but if something really needs fixing, it's not my job." I don't understand why it came back. And darn it if nothing else, for the kids' sake, I wish the good days would have lasted longer. Build up some good memories for them. I don't know, maybe you all did that already.

Do you remember ForeverHers? He called it an issue of pre-eminence - who rules your life? Me or Thee.

The one regret I have, cwmi, is that I never went to my church, my pastor, for help. Years ago, I confided in one staff member there when I was concerned about x's drinking, and she prayed with me about that. But when I was ready for Plan B, the only thing I did was ask for prayers for unity in my family. I never told them where I was, and asked them to reach out to H. I didn't want to be a "bother." My church had just lost it pastor, and was searching for a replacement. I had my pastor's email, could have spoke to him anyway. But I figured they had bigger issues to work on. It was depression talking. Kids losing an intact family is a big deal, and in retrospect, seeing how they have rallied around my family after my Dad's death, I have no doubt they would have reached out to us when we were facing the divorce, too.

Maybe you have spoken with your pastor or elders already.