You'll note that Dr. Harley felt no need to publish guidance on "Women - Don't Leave Your Homes!" Former boy-children, now grown,have it now ingrained in their psyche that IT'S THEIR FAULT! THAT'S the awful contributor to the manifestation on the SAA thread trend that led off this thread here. Instead of rightous anger, increasingly we see betrayed males somehow feeling compelled to apologize for their skank-wife's infidelity.
Now wait a minute, it was MELODYLANE who wrote "Men, don't leave your homes!" That is because when a woman says "get out!" he leaves! To my astonishment.
To the barricades, my friends!
ok, men, you have to start taking some responsibility here for this sad state of affairs. If you didn't comply with tyrannical bullies, they wouldn't succeed. I can't count the times some poor chump has come on the forum who has completely surrendered his family and home to some OM. He moves out so the next loser can move in and then tells us "there is nothing I can do, the woman always wins in court!" OF COURSE THEY WILL WIN IF YOU DON'T FIGHT!! That is a self fulfilling prophecy.
If you allow yourself to be bullied, guess what?? You are going to be bullied!
I didn't leave my home, yet my unfaithful ex-wife is the primary custodian of my child.
I didn't beat either my wife or my children, yet my unfaithful ex-wife is the primary custodian of my child.
I'm not addicted to drugs, alcohol, video games, porn or anything else, yet my unfaithful ex-wife is the primary custodian of my child.
I was unemployed about 5 minutes of our 7 year marriage, she was a stay at home mom for about 5 of those 7 years, yet my unfaithful ex-wife is the primary custodian of my child.
So while there may be a minority of men who might match writer1's ex-husband, that's the MINORITY of fathers who are denied daily access to their child.
I'm all for actually proving that someone is a fit parent. But let's be clear, having an affair and remaining in that affair, choosing to divorce the father of your children because you are either "unhappy" or you are falling on the penis of another man is evidence that you are an unfit mother, period.
Yet that question is not even allowed in a courtroom when custody is up for grabs.
If you end no fault divorce, make adultery evidence of being an unfit parent, then I'll believe the system is fair. As long as someone can leave simply because she's not happy, or she's having an affair, and have access to any more than 0% of the marital assets and primary custody of any children of that marriage, the system is broken and you'll continue to have fathers who feel the system has discarded them, discounted their input and blames them for the result they had zero part in creating.
As long as unfaithful spouses are getting custody of children from betrayed, faithful non-abusive fathers, or at the very least, they are merely unhappy so they choose divorce (which I would call being unfaithful) then the system is broken, and the betrayed men are not to blame for the outcome.
As Dr H has said here, the minority of those who leave their spouses are leaving men who are guilty of marital misconduct. So while some can point to anecdotes that their husbands were not fit parents, there's like 10 to 20 fit parents who were divorced against their will and turned into visitors according to the courts for every one of those unfit fathers.
Fix that, and I'll bet things improve.
Stop giving mothers who can't honor their vows custody preference over betrayed fathers whose "crime" is being romantically challenged.