Originally Posted By: writer1
Originally Posted By: Enlightened_Ex

So while there may be a minority of men who might match writer1's ex-husband, that's the MINORITY of fathers who are denied daily access to their child.


I guess the main problem I have with these statistics is that they just don't hold true for most of the marriages in my personal experience that end in divorce.

I currently know 3 people who are in the process of getting a divorce (one of them is my own cousin). In all 3 cases, it is the man who is leaving the marriage. In fact, in all 3 cases, the man is leaving his wife because he is currently involved in a relationship with another woman. My cousin is even living with his girlfriend/OW.

So, I know what Dr. Harley says about this and I read the statistics, but looking back over the majority of marriages I personally know that have ended or are ending in divorce, they just don't hold up. Could everyone I know really be an exception to the rule or is there maybe something wrong with these statistics in the first place.

I have a hard time believing that most marriages are ending because the wife either has an affair or is unhappy in the marriage and chooses to end it, but maybe that's because I only actually know of 2 marriages in my entire lifetime that ended this way.


You know of three men. What of the women in those affairs? Are they all unmarried? I suspect not. Right there means you know of some marriages where the woman is leaving the man, or at least cheating on him.

Are these women honoring the vows the men you know of took? I see marriage as more than just a vow to be honored by the two who marry one another. At least in my vow, the congregation also spoke that they would uphold the vow. I think society does have a responsibility to support those vows and anyone who chooses to get involved with someone who is not their spouse is just as guilty as the wayward spouse.

But we don't hold the woman to the same standard. All sorts of talk about John Edwards, but relatively little (outside of here) about how wrong his mistress' behavior was.

Or worse, if there is a woman in an affair, she is treated as some sort of victim. Either her husband drove her to the affair, (I.E. what you said before since I was clearly talking about men who engaged in ZERO marital misconduct, I'm taking your response about the man being at fault as you are clearly blaming the innocent victim), if she leaves it's probably his fault, or she was fooled by the man she's having an affair with. She was seduced, didn't know he was married, believed him when he said she beat him, whatever nonsense.

If a man tried that sort of thing, he'd be run out of here on a rail. If a woman does, it's likely she'll get the Oprah response, "you go girl!" "You deserve better..." Or what my pastor said regarding my ex-wife's affair, "What did you do to cause her to have an affair?"

From what I've seen, since most divorces occur early in the marriage, the majority of those are filed by women. In other words, when there are still minor children living at home, odds are far greater that mom will file than will dad.

When do those odds reverse? When the children have left. I.E. longer term marriages. Men are more likely to file for divorce when the custody of their children is not at stake because they are adults.

There are exceptions, but I believe that holds for the majority of cases.

Women perceive that they'll get a better deal in divorce when they are younger and they have more power in the dating market. I.E. they are still youthful and best able to attract a mate.

When do men choose divorce? When they think they have a better deal in the divorce market. When they have less to lose, (their children) and they'll do better in the dating market. The dating market gives older, established men an advantage when it comes to attracting a partner.

Those are generalizations, but if you look at the data, it holds up well.

Those choosing divorce are women with children at home and men with children out of the nest.

Since more marriages end early compared to late, more divorces will be filed by women compared to men.

People choose divorce when it appears to be a good deal for them. I simply suggest that we make divorce a bad deal for anyone who is guilty of marital misconduct or for those who choose to divorce someone whom they cannot or will not prove marital misconduct.

Marital misconduct should be prosecuted, but it isn't, and that hurts the children who are torn from one parent or another.