CWMI, I read your thread but don't often comment because I feel I wouldn't know how to help. I do feel for you. I do not have things like you to deal with, but I know the pain of the ONE thing you are dying for from your spouse being the ONE thing they won't do (or stop doing). I know that hurts.

I also know there comes a point when it has gone on so long that - at least for a season - the only thing you can think to do is detach so you won't say the really angry things you wish you could say. yeah, I'm terrible enough to admit to having angry thoughts sometimes....the horror smile

I have heard people, namely quoting Harley himself, say over and over that UA time is paramount and that couples shouldn't travel away from each other. So it seems to me that what you are wanting is MB 101 type stuff. I'm sorry that it isn't happening.