I understand exactly the mechanism you are describing. Remember, my wife recently said "I don't feel anything when you touch me down there, no sensation at all". As you say, I cannot get that thought out of my head. Any time we have sex, I am wondering what she is feeling, wondering why I even bother touching her, and it sucks all the enjoyment out of it for me. That is one factor in why I am so much less insistent on having sex with her these days. I don't enjoy it any more.

Jack, I don't expect my wife to ever be enthusiastic about sex. Or to enjoy it. We are already long past irretrievable. That is the point.

I am not trying to get her to have more or "better" sex with me. I am trying to get her to admit and accept she never will. I want her to stop trying to be more available, so I can feel better about not making as much money as she wishes I made.

I am the poster boy for why not doing MB is stupid. You don't have to be a jerk or evil to fail at marriage. You just have to stop meeting each other's needs. We lost it so long ago, and so completely, we cannot get it back. That is why I post to others "do MB, and don't be like me". Because I am living what happens when you don't. Even 2 well-meaning people can ruin each other's lives.