Hold, have you ever considered getting a definitive diagnosis from one of these psychiatrists and then taking medication to correct whatever problem you have?

It sounds to me like you're clinically depressed. There are tons of treatments for this sort of thing. What would be the harm in actually trying one?

Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.