Oh, CWMI, there are so many boundary issues in the way you and your DH handle things. Good that you set the ex co-worker straight, but to bad it wasn't done as a united front...you and DH together telling the dude you aren't interested in doing business with him.

Your poor hubby definitely received mixed messages from you. But you get that, so no 2 x 4's.

About my earlier question regarding DH and his children, you answered tv/snuggle time and computer games. There has to be more, right? I'm asking what hands-on activities does he consistently do with each child and with the kids collectively? I'm trying to get a better view of what is going on.

Also, you seem like you aren't sure if your DH is being honest about the travel conversation with his boss. Ask your H to tell his boss that you will be calling to say "thank you" for being understanding of the travel issue. Have him also ask, "What will be a good time for my DW to call." Lovingly make it clear to H that the boss will be getting a thank you call from you, so you want to know when it's convenient for the boss,that if not, you'll have to stop by the office to say thanks. Heck, even better, maybe you should run by the office to say a personal thanks and bring them lunch.

I'm suggesting this because you and DH need to have an united front in your marriage. From reading your thread, I don't get the impression that you and your H even put on a show of being a couple united, standing steadfast against outside forces.

I think both of you are afraid to say/do something out of fear the other will get frustrated/angry/offended. The individual boundaries aren't firmly established. A "no" can become a "yes" and vice versa, for both of you.

That leaves you in a very weak position with each other and to outside forces. He doesn't know when he can absolutely say "yes" or "no" personally for himself, or for you, if need be. And the same applies to you with him.

You're going to have to begin with you and put in place a policy of absolute consistency at first. This will empower your DH to stand firm because you are firm in your approach. He won't be afraid that he's going to make a wrong choice that will ultimately upset you. He will know right where you stand on things.

He does seem to be trying, I give him mega credit if this is the case.

Steering the M in a different direction takes time and practice. You as a couple have the knowledge to do it. If you both can communicate with each other better and remain firm in your resolve, it will get better.