CWMI,

Gotta say in my situation, my DH has severe detachment (diagnosed by more than 1 counselor and attributed to the violence he witnessed as a child). For many years, if something upset or bothered me or our kids, it was our "problem" to deal with. With my own IC, I came to the conclusion that my problem was that I was there in my M. She agreed and told me when I state my negative feelings or issues that involve him, my DH doesn't see himself as part of equation. The issue is mine to own because in his mind it has no bearing on him nor he on it.

I was just reading your response to KT to my DH, he was able to jokingly laugh that detachment is like,
"If I don't have time for my emotions, what makes you think I have time for yours?"

I'm not saying your DH has detachment. I'm no counselor. But your thread resonates with me, so I'd thought I'd share my perspective with you.