Originally Posted by holdingontoit
Mrs. Hold announced today that she does not feel emotionally safe with me, so sex is off the table. I understand why. But think about it. That means she feels even less inclined toward sex than she has the last 18 years. And it means we have an even higher mountain to climb to get back together. So for those of you think going into withdrawal can't make it worse, you are wrong. Your spouse can become even more averse to sex.

Hold - this is pure manipulation. Lack of feeling safe implies that you have threatened her. Which you haven't.

Ask her specifically what you've done to make her feel unsafe. Get some openness and honesty going. You're not her daddy and emotional needs don't go one way. Since she's stepping up in other areas of her life (finally) you know your day of reckoning is coming. But this manipulation isn't entirely honest.

I think the two of you need a time out from "relationship" and just need to take a weekend at a park, walking, talking about life instead of the relationship.

She's not ready to be emotionally honest and therefore isn't safe to you. when she's ready to own the source of her pain (herself) and talk with you about that, then you two will get somewhere. As you can read by your posts, you recognize that you are the source of your pain already. So you're ready for this conversation when she is.

For now, I'd acknowledge that you hear her, but don't understand since you haven't threatened her, beat her, yelled at her or otherwise abused her.

Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.