D13's birthday approaches. Mrs. Hold wants to make it special. Apparently going to NYC, where my Mom has flown up to visit, and going to a theme restaurant + entertainment for dinner with my sis, BIL and nephew is not special enough (to her credit, we did POJA the restaurant and me paying for everyone). Later that day (after we POJA), Mrs. Hold went into D13's room to see hwo she is doing. D13 seems not impressed by the birthday plans. Mrs. Hold suggests D13 invite a friend. D13 complains she has no friends. Mrs. Hold suggests inviting the entire swimming team (6 girls). That means several more expensive dinners and 2 hotel rooms so they can stay over in NYC. That idea perks up D13. Then Mrs. Hold invites me into the room to see what I think. I feel ambushed. Yet again. By an expensive request for the kids.

This morning I commented that emotional safety works both ways. That I have told her many times how much I hate her guts (yes, I used those words) when she discusses something with the kids that is expensive without checking with me first. She said "my child was upset and I panicked and that was the only thing that I could think of that would help her feel better". I replied "so it is OK to solve the problem by putting me in a no win situation where all my choices are bad, despite knowing how much I hate when you do that". She said something like "well, we had discussed bits and pieces of it earlier." I said "yes, but dinner for 14 is not dinner for 8, and 2 hotel rooms is not 1 hotel room. This is the same feeling as when I ask you for sex. You feel trapped. You feel like I don't care about your feelings and I just want to get my rocks off and it could be anyone." She started crying, said "is that how you think I feel", and ran out of the room. Then it was time for her to go to work. She left. I feel guilty. But I don't think I should feel guilty. Thoughts?