Somehow I have a problem with adults taking direction from their children on defining things like this. Are we really in the business of catering to children when it comes to shaping their worldviews on what is important? Are we not indirectly teaching a lesson here to find your value outside of yourself rather than defining our worldview from our internal values and living those values from the inside out? It's all about bling bling and not about what truly matters it seems. Just spouting off here, but I increasingly find the concept of "making kids happy" by doing whatever they want to be a long term guarantee for struggles with depression for both the parents and the children as a result of basing self esteem on things and values external to ourselves.



First off, I'd say don't lose the opportunity to follow up on exactly what Mrs HOLD meant when she started crying and said "Is that how you think I feel?" Obviously you have misinterpreted something here, so it will be valuable to find out what went wrong with your analogy at some point.

Secondly, what you've outlined above is a hot button issue between Mrs Hitch and I as well. Mrs Hitch is an HSP (at least I believe she is), or a Highly Sensitive Person (studies show as much as 20% of the population are HSPs). Empathic abilities and a general tendency to want to make other's happy at any expense comes with HSP territory IME and from what I've read. Specific to Mrs Hitch, she generally functions under the auspices of "it's better to apologize than to ask permission." So, I feel your pain. I'm oftentimes roped into situations like what you've outlined, where I feel trapped and I feel as if I'm the bad guy because I have to deliver disapointing news. This is IMHO mostly because I feel that Mrs Hitch has already indicated, with her words and/or her mannerisms, that she's OK with whatever our children want at that particular moment. So, I get to be the heavy and the cheapskate that says no because we cannot afford it. I've repeatedly asked for us two as adults to discuss such things prior to discussing them with the children, but my repeated requests have, for the most part, fallen on deaf ears with Mrs Hitch.

Should you feel guilty? Well, I'm not a big fan of guilt in general. Specific to your scenario, I think you need clarity on why what you said was offensive especially since it appears that you have misjudged in some way how she does in fact feel. You could apologize that there was a misunderstanding and express a desire to better understand her point of view. I generally find that taking a disarming approach via a heartfelt apology encourages our spouse to feel safe and to be open and honest about the misunderstanding.