Hold, perhaps now would be a good time to explain to Mrs. Hold that you're glad she, your DD, and her friends had a good time. However, you find it very hurtful, if not downright manipulative (and, frankly, it sounds to me like she did it on purpose to manipulate you), that she made big, expensive plans with DD before involving you. Consequently, the next time it happens, you will play the bad guy, you will pull the plug, and you will deal with the fallout.

Doesn't really matter if you believe your own words, as long as your W does.

When you explain these things to her, she will likely cop an attitude, right? When she does, don't engage her. Just tell her that now she knows without question where you stand, and then leave the room, if need be. If she gets angry, it's not because you're being a bad guy; it's because you're taking away a tool of manipulation. Don't worry; she'll survive

The thing that I don't see being addressed in all this is that now she is playing you against your kids. Apparently, she knows that she can manipulate you this way and is plenty willing to do so. Frankly, I find that reprehensible.

And please, don't respond to me with a justification of her behavior, or a description of how your unwillingness to improve yourself caused this. Your personality traits are neither a cause nor a justification of her behavior regarding this event.

On the other hand, considering how she has pulled these stunts before, and recent past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior...if you don't take a hard stand on the issue, then the next time, it really will be your fault as much as hers.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but I just couldn't let this go by without saying something.