Originally Posted by holdingontoit
HHH: yes, I understand I am setting a bad example by not "going for the gold". My kids know I am miserable. Hopefully that will motivate them to choose differently.

Hold, I'm having a hard time buying into the concept of that you want to stay for the children but you're not willing to do what is necessary for their long term benefit. You can hope all you want that they're reject your example in favor of... something else but in all likelihood that won't be the case. You're defining marriage for them right now and you don't seem to care enough to change the message they're receiving. Extremely selfish IMO.

This is a concept that seems to define you: you don't want to do the work to have a good marriage, you don't want to do the work to be a good father (being a good example is integral to being a good father btw), you don't want to leave because you won't be happy and you won't be able to see your kids every day.

See where I'm going here? This isn't a new revelation for you... but I don't think I've ever understood why you do what you do (or don't do). You are miserable, you believe you will always be miserable no matter what you do. If that's the case, what motivates your actions? Can it really be selfishness if you think you will be exceedingly unhappy no matter what? Why doesn't the kid's welfare motivate you in that case if all things being equal, your life sucks. What motivates you right now to get out of bed and proceed along this fixed path you have set for yourself? Call me curious, I've been reading your thread for a long time and have yet to understand WHY.


Age - 35
Divorce Final - 3/5/12

S - 13
S - 10
D - 8