TR, here here, great posts! Ok, time for some radical honesty on my part.

What is the single best thing we could do for HOLD? Ban him from this website. This site feeds his neurosis/narcissism. He gets enough sympathy here that he keeps coming back to post because there is a pay off involved. The single best thing that could happen to HOLD is to eliminate the payoff, for everyone, EVERYONE, to simply stop responding to ANY AND ALL of his posts. I know to some that may sound cruel, and HOLD may certainly disagree with my assessment, but it's probably the best thing that could ever happen to him long term.

The primary reason I stopped posting about my own life here a long time ago is because I found that I wasn't posting here to get better or to make improvements in my own life, I was posting to get sympathy and to reinforce my own reflected sense of self and my own narcissistic tendencies. So, I stopped posting for a long time, and even now, I never post about my own life circumstances for this very reason. Posting here actually works against resolving my own issues and my marital issues. I know what's wrong with me, and what's not right in my M, and no amount of me posting about it here is going to make me or my M any better. I'm not saying this is the case for other people that post here, because most people don't suffer from a hard case of narcissism like I do (and HOLD does in my view). Just my .02!